Jerk: Work with One?

And their behavior runs the gamut.  They intimidate; belittle; withhold information; steal credit; demand perfection; humiliate; blame; break promises.

It’s no surprise that you’re just not your best when you’re around them. That’s not because of some weakness, but that – like it or not – we’re profoundly connected to others’ emotions.  You can’t help but respond when “jerk-ness” is going on around you.

Noticing it, and doing something about it, are two different things, though.  Your options are basically alter, accept and avoid.  Your choice will depend on the situation.

Keep in mind that alter means to make different, without changing into something else.  So, in altering a negative situation at work, you’re not trying to change the person, only the behavior.  To alter, you’ll need to:

• Seek out advice from savvy people who have dealt with these situations – or, maybe, this individual – before.  Test drive your conversation to make sure you’re focusing on the behavior you want to alter.
• Strap on your courage and talk to the person with the jerk-like behaviors. Ask for change and be specific.  Connect the change to a clear result: create a better work relationship, be more productive, reduce stress.
• Be prepared to alter your behavior, as well.  Maybe there’s something this person needs from you.  There’s always another side to the story.  A new approach on your part might be all that’s needed.

When alter isn’t an option, it might be time to accept.  Webster’s defines accept as “to regard as proper, suitable or normal”, and “to see as permissible, appropriate or inevitable”.  In this approach, you’ll need to:

• Make a list of everything you like about the person in question.  It could be that the items on this list are more important, or more numerous, than the jerk behavior list.  Maybe it’s better to accept the person, warts and all.
• Be curious.  Go for coffee or to lunch.  Talk about work or life, or both.  Try to understand what makes this person “tick”; where he’s coming from.
• Tell him what you appreciate about him.  Thank him when he “does it right”.  Reinforce the behavior you want to see repeated.

Avoid may be your preferred choice.  And there are times when it can be the best choice.  To do this, you’ll have to creatively manage your schedule, your projects, or your social activities so that your paths seldom cross.  Above all, don’t give up.  Jerks do move on.  The next colleague could be a gem!

OK.  What if the jerk is your boss?

The same options apply.  Granted, the stakes are higher and the strategies trickier (it can be hard to avoid your boss).  What you learn in trying to work with a jerk-like boss will serve you, not only in this job, but in other work situations down the road.

For more ideas on improving your situation right where you are, check out “Love It, Don’t Leave It: 26 Ways to Get What You Want at Work”, by Beverly Kaye and Sharon Jordan-Evans.